I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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