Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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