his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
