Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
