i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
