**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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