hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
