I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
