Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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