I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
