Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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