As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
