she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
