please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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