she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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