she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
