Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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