Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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