There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
