Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
