i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
