Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
