You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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