Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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