I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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