When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
