The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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