i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
