She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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