did you get engaged???
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
