even my farts smell like vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
