i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
