see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
