Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
