from now on my penis is your penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
