u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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