Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
