please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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