I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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