Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My penis needs a shock collar
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
