Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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