it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
