Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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