Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
