Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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