Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
