walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
