We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
