and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
