i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
