I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You ate ashes out of my bong
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
