Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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