this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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