while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
