Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
