i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
