i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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