ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He has the fingertips of a God
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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