My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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