My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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