he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
