hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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