3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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