I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
